The Past Year

This is not the easiest thing for me to write but it’s honest and I feel like it is time for me to share. 

I had been taking care of my mom and my aunt every day for the last few years. Then things changed and I didn’t know how to deal with the changes or life for that matter.  

On May 4, 2024, my mother crossed over to be with the rest of her family. To say my mom and I were close would be an understatement for sure.  The last few years of her life she was battling cancer. The cancer is not what she died from but instead, complications from tumor removal surgery. Watching my mom's last week alive in the hospital was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I was there with her when she took her last breath. I knew her soul was no longer in her body the day before she crossed over. 

The year following her death has been the hardest year of my life. I went from seeing my mom every day to never seeing her again in person. It took me close to six months before I stopped waiting for her to walk out of her bedroom and join me in the living room to watch some tv. Up until recently I would replay that last week she was alive in my head. I would question every decision I made about her care. After I got the healing that I needed so deeply I have been able to let those visions and thoughts go because they do not serve me or my momma.

Taking care of my aunt during this past year was hard for me because most days I didn’t want to leave my bed. I tried so hard not to allow my aunt to see my depression. I wanted her to see I was ok even though I really wasn’t. 

In February of this year my aunt started falling a lot. We found out in March that my aunt's needs are more than what I can give her and now she has to live in an adult family home. I had so much guilt about not being able to give my aunt the care that she needed. I felt like I was letting down both my mom and aunt. After long talks with my aunt, I was able to find peace with her not living with us anymore. We found an amazing home for her where she gets great care and more people around her to talk with and play games. 

This past year I fell into some deep depression and cried so much I was sick of crying. I realized that I didn’t know how to live without my mom. I talked to her about everything; I spent more hours of my day with her than anyone else. 

I had to go see my doctor for my yearly exam and she told me to see a therapist to work through some of this pain and depression. For a while I saw the therapist once a week and then moved it twice a month. Talking with the therapist did help and I feel like it is what got me ready for the deep healing I received. 

I am feeling stronger than I ever have and I am ready to take on this new chapter of my life with my husband and knowing that I can visit my aunt whenever I want and talk with my momma whenever I feel like I need a little advice. I am more than ready to dive back into work deeply and completely.  

With this new release on life, I find that I am ready to open my books to schedule sessions and get back to creating amazing essential oil and herb blends.